datestampSaturday, July 12, 2014

Imprinted



My heart has been bursting with joy today. Pure joy. I would be ungrateful if I didn't express the feelings that I have in my soul. My sweet baby girl chose to be baptized a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, and I was able to witness it. I was here, what a tender mercy. I took it all in, each moment was fulfilling a dream I've had for years. As I helped her get into her beautiful dress that she was twirling in the last time she wore. The thought overcame me, that the next white dress I will help her get into will be her wedding dress (in at least 20 years)! We embraced, and I whispered how proud of her I am and how much I love her. Peace. Stillness. My heart, so full. My baby has grown before my eyes. I will savor each moment more. Embrace her longer. Sing a little more. Forgive easier. She has taught me more then I could have ever imagined. What an honor it is for me to be her Momma. I tell her often that she made me a Momma, and that was the best gift I've ever been given. I am so grateful to a loving Heavenly Father who is aware of us. I am grateful that I have the knowledge that families are forever. I take it in. This day has been imprinted in my heart, never to be forgotten. I am happy that I have been given the gift of life. Living is good...so, so good. 


datestampWednesday, May 28, 2014

Letters

My Dear sweet babies,

 Oh, how I love and adore you. I am so lucky to be your Momma. So lucky. What a wonder it is to watch you grow and learn. I am in awe of you. I enjoy your voices. I love your giggles and laughter. You make me strong, when I feel weak. You hug me when I am struggling. You lift me up. I fight for you everyday. I live for you everyday. I am honored to get to raise such strong little people. I want you to know how special you are. I want you to know how loved you are. I want you to know how worth it you are to me. So worth every moment. I yearn to be here for all of your life's experiences.  I know it is hard sometimes to understand Cancer. To comprehend why Momma has it. It will all work out my loves. We each have something to learn on this earth. That is why I do my treatments. That is why I won't give up. Because of you. I am so grateful and so happy that I am here to be a part of your journey. I am grateful for our memories we are making, our moments we live.  I want you to know that you will always be my babies. Always. Even when you're all grown up. You will always be mine. We are part of something magical and great. We all have a gift each day. Use it. Love it. Hold it close. Live it. My dreams have come true through you. You are my dreams. My loves. My light. My reasons. 
I love you to the moon and back,

Love,
xoxoxo
Momma,

datestampSaturday, April 19, 2014

Because of Him



I am in wonder of this life. How blessed I feel to breathe, live, and to be here, because of Him.  As simple as weeding in the yard, feeling the earth on my hands, walking on the grass with bare feet, being embraced by the light which surrounds me, all because of Him.  Hearing my babies calling for me Momma. Momma. What a beautiful sound...it is an honor to raise these sweet little ones, and it is all because of Him. I am alive because of Him. I am given another day, another chance, another moment, because of Him. I am found when I am lost in the darkness, because of Him. I am reassured all will be well, because of Him. I am given hope, when the hardships of this life are heavy on my back, because of Him. I know I will see my sweet Mother again and we will embrace because of Him. I stand in awe as His daughter, He is everything. He has shown me how to love. accept. live. let go. be still, this life is all because of Him. I know He lives. I know He lives. For this I am eternally grateful,  I know that my Redeemer Lives!

datestampMonday, March 31, 2014

The Earth

I've tried to teach my children to respect the earth...to love it, to enjoy it, to feel it.  I am so grateful for this beautiful earth. Grateful I am blessed to have the opportunity to live on it. Grateful to see the beauty of it everyday.  A few weeks ago my sweet girl was asked to give a talk in church. It could be on any topic. To my surprise she picked; The Earth. I helped her write her thoughts down and she drew pictures and spoke on her own.
                              
                                                       The Earth
Heavenly Father gave us this earth for a reason, because He loves us so much.  He wanted us to have a place to learn and grow.  These are some of the reasons why I love our earth.

1. I love the warm sunshine shining on my back.
2. I love the feel of the grass when I lay down on it.
3. I like to feel the dirt on my hands when I plant a seed.
4. I like to dance and play in the rain.
5. I like it when the wind blows in my hair and face.
6. I like it when I hear the birds chirping.
7. I like to play in the snow and touch the icicles.
8. In the Summer I love to run and play tag with my friends.
9. I like to watch my garden grow every day.
10. I like to go on bike rides and explore.

This earth is a beautiful gift from our Heavenly Father.  I am so grateful for it. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

While she spoke, I was beaming with pride, felt love...joy...peace. Her thoughts rang true in my heart. I have so much to learn from my sweet babe and her spirit.  What an amazing gift we all have been given. I am happy we can share it together.

datestampFriday, February 14, 2014

Grace

When I wrote my last post, I second guessed myself. It sat for hours without me publishing. I felt strange asking for prayers.  After hours of going back and forth in my mind I fell asleep. I awoke around 2:45am to the thought that I absolutely HAD to push the publish button...the feeling overcame me and I did it. I realized that I need you. I needed these prayers and good thoughts. I've felt a lot of peace over the years, but the last 3 days have been phenomenal. No late nights worrying, no anxiety, just peace. Oh, how sweet it has tasted. I am forever indebted to you all.
Today I found out that some of my tumors have calcified and are in necrosis, which means they are dead. I also learned that several are vascular, which means they're alive and have their own blood supply, but they are STABLE!  This is AMAZING news! The treatment that I've been doing for the last year and a half is working! We saw a light at the end of the tunnel...and it felt so good embracing it. I know we have a long journey ahead of us, but I know we are being blessed along the way. Words cannot adequately express my thoughts and feelings.  This I know with every fiber of my being that God lives. I know He is aware of each of us. I know that I'm living because of His grace. I know He hears us. We are not alone. Thank you for being a part of our journey. Much love to you my friends.

datestampTuesday, February 11, 2014

real

I know a few things in this life are real.  One of those thing being prayer. For me, I know that God hears me and listens to my pleas. I know He hears you. I have a simple request... If just for a moment would you please say a prayer in my behalf? Is it strange to ask? Maybe...but I know He will listen. Call it what you may. A higher power. Being. Universe. Prayer. Thought. Will.  I know there is power in many.  I'm being honest. Asking real questions. Do I have Cancer? Yes. Should I still be alive with the type of Cancer I have? No, but I am living by the grace of God. Do I have my CT scans in 36 hours? Yes. Am I human and need peace? Yes. Am I afraid at times? Yes...but tonight...tonight I'm focusing on what is real. I need you...for a moment. Please. I have Hope. I know He will listen.

datestampThursday, February 6, 2014

Alive

I love to dream...it keeps me grounded. I love looking forward to the next moment. Life has so much to experience...so much living to do. I talk often with my sweet man about our dreams.  Where we see ourselves in years to come...in moments...in time.  I get to hold my sweet babies. I see Joy in their eyes. I embrace it and hold on tight to the memories we are making. I look back and feel so much...wow. We are blessed. I feel happy. Peace. I am in awe to be on this earth;  Here. Now. Alive. I've dreamt of this life for years...and I get to be here. I embrace life and live. It feels so good.  I can breathe.