datestampWednesday, August 19, 2015

Privilege

I have caught myself telling my kids many times that the experiences that they have had in this life and the things that they get to do at their young age is a privilege. In fact, I explained the word to them at the beginning of the Summer...when they were given the opportunity to help on the farm, and help in our home. We are very blessed in this life and they have had many opportunities with being able to work hard and play hard. As I have reflected today about sending my beautiful babies to school...my heart has swelled a little and I heard in my mind and felt in my heart that I in fact have been the one who has been privileged to raise them. It has been a privilege for me to be their Momma, to watch them grow and learn. There is no place I'd rather be.  No name I'd rather be called by.  What a hard and beautiful thing it is to watch them fall, and wipe away their tears. To see them get back up. I am in awe of their strength and abilities. It has been a blessing to learn from them. They teach me everyday. I am so happy and my life is better with my sweet babies. I have held them a little tighter tonight...knowing in a blink of an eye a year will have gone by, then 5 and 10 and someday, I'm sure I will wonder where the time has gone?  I am enjoying each moment. Time is ticking and I recognize and am grateful that I have been given the privilege of being on this ride. There is no place I'd rather be then right now. Here. Living.

datestampTuesday, August 4, 2015

A full heart

I feel so blessed. Even when life is difficult at times...I am blessed. Tonight was simple, and we got to spend the evening with my sisters family. We picked raspberries and my sister made the kids delicious shakes! We visited on the porch in the cool evening, and the kids ran wild and played until the sun went down. We came home tired, but full...full of love, life, happiness and appreciation for the simple things of this life. I am thankful for today...for the messes that I helped my kids pick up, for the time I spent with my sweet sister, for the love I felt when I watched my kids play, for the admiration I felt towards my soul mate. I am thankful I could feel...all of these things. That I could experience these small and simple moments. My heart feels full tonight of gratitude to God for all He has blessed me with. I feel that He is keenly aware of me and knows me. I'm so thankful to have a full heart...and know I am blessed to live another day.

datestampThursday, June 4, 2015

Choose Happy

I remember when I was first diagnosed with Cancer, Andy and I didn't want to know the statistics, we didn't want to know the survival rate, we didn't want to know our chances. We didn't want any of that in front of us. We decided together we would find the good and fight like hell no matter what came our way. Oh, it was hard, so hard. It still is hard at times...but it has been worth it. I did find out a few years later after doing the chemotherapy that my doctors were certain I would only live 3 months, but I am still alive. It is amazing what the power of your mind can accomplish when you strive to find the good in hard situations. When you choose to be happy amidst sadness, or difficult things. God knew what He was doing when He gave us our agency. It really is quite amazing that we as humans have the ability to find the good in this life. That we have the choice to be kind, to reach out and help others, to love, to give, to accept, to cry, to be...just to be. I am so grateful for this gift and the choice that I have been given. Each day that I am here, I am in awe of the experiences that I have. They aren't all easy, but they each have shown me how I can choose to live. I choose happy. No matter what life brings to my door. I will find the good. I will.

datestampTuesday, April 28, 2015

The Finish Line

Today was our first experience with a track and field day with the kids. What an adventure it was! For weeks my girl has been practicing each event that she signed up for. Daddy has been working with her and giving her tips. Several times she has told us that she was so nervous! I explained to her more then once that everyone gets nervous about doing things at times...even us!  I went on to tell her that I was even sure that Olympians get nervous before a big race, and they practiced all of the time. One night she said; "Mom, what if I come in last?" I looked at her and told her that it didn't matter...just keep running, even if you know you're last, keep running. Don't give up, run as fast as you can, and keep going! It doesn't matter if you're last, it matters if you do your best...it matters if you finish the race. 
  As I watched her line up to the starting line, her arms were in the running position, she was focused, she was ready. They said go, and she ran, she ran so hard, and her little body kept on going. My heart burst with love, and I got a little choked up. I was so proud of my baby girl. She ran her heart out, and   ran across that line! Was she first place?  No, but she finished the race! We found each other and I just hugged her so hard, praising her. Loving her. You finished! You did it!  I love you! I'll never forget her beaming face, her smile spread across her lips. Her determination and heart will be forever burned into my memory. Such joy. Such happiness to finish something she started...even though it was hard. It was such a beautiful moment for me to watch her work so hard at something and complete it. This experience today made me reflect and think about what it might be like to sit at the feet of our Savior when our journey in this life has ended. I imagine He will say something similar to us: You did it! You didn't give up! You kept going even when it was hard! You finished! I love you. I'm sure we will feel Joy. So much Joy, that we didn't give up.  May we all keep trying, keep working, keep loving, keep feeling, keep learning, keep failing, keep getting up, keep being, keep forgiving, keep going, until we cross that finish line.

datestampWednesday, March 25, 2015

Time

As I a sit here and try to process the conversation I had today with my Dr, I am overwhelmed, grateful and tired. I know, very strange emotions to feel at the same time. I think one of the hardest things for me to do is to wait for answers. It's emotionally and physically exhausting...but I keep going and we aren't giving up! After our discussion, it took about an hour to really sink into my heart and the tears came. Overall, everything is stable. My liver is quite enlarged, and they're thinking it's from some of the tumors going through the process of necrosis (dying).  They  said there are to many tumors to count, not just in my liver...but this is progress. I sigh a huge relief...and I can breathe easier for the first time in days. After Andy and I visited he said...even tho I'm experiencing symptoms and effects of this cancer. I have been given something priceless and invaluable...TIME. His words were so true! Oh, I'm so grateful for TIME! What a gift it is to be alive!  I've been blessed far beyond I could have ever imagined. Each day is a gift. I'm so happy to be living. Thank you for taking the time to send good thoughts, prayers, love, messages, and more love. God heard you and He heard me...I am grateful! Peace fills my heart and I bask in the sunlight, for it has come.

datestampSaturday, March 21, 2015

Hold On

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Tonight my heart is full of gratitude. I had the opportunity to attend a conference for agriculture and they had  Michael Mclean come and speak to us, among many other uplifting speakers. I was touched by his honesty and the love you could feel in his message and his singing.  When he sang this particular song, tears streamed down my face. His message was powerful and so true. It was as if he was singing directly to me and knew my heart. It seems I have stumbled many times in my life, but I somehow get up and keep going. The light does eventually come, and when it does, it wraps it's loving arms around me. This Monday I go in for my MRI, it is a day that I tend to dread, and worry over. It's a very humbling experience for me to be reminded again and again that I need to put my life in Gods hands.  Even though I have felt worry the last few weeks, tonight I feel so much peace. His message is what I needed to hear. I know that whatever happens, life will go on. I will go on. I will hold on. I will do what needs to be done. I will be strong, and whatever the results are. I know the light will come.

datestampThursday, March 12, 2015

A helping hand

I've really struggled with my body the last few weeks and at times felt a little sad. I am a goer, a doer. I like to be busy and run, run, run...it's in my blood! Yet, I haven't been able to and I've had to slow down...and it's a hard pill to swallow. Certain times I've let the sadness in and it has made my heart feel heavy. I've cried out to my Heavenly Father and shared my soul with Him. Just taking life day by day, moment by moment, living the best I can. I had a dear friend reach out to me and asked me to come to a night out. While there we had the opportunity to listen to a wonderful woman speak thoughts from her heart, which rang true to my ears. Her words were just what my weary soul needed. As I left gratitude filled my heart and my spirits were lifted. I felt remembered. I felt loved. I felt needed. I felt joy. I felt peace. I was reminded that we just never know what experiences people are having in their life's. We just never know how people feel, and the struggles, they might have. We just never know. So don't judge them. We have so much to learn from each other. Let's be honest. Let's love. Let's take time for each other. Let's be real. We are all children of God. Whether we believe in the moon or the stars, the universe, have different religions. We are all human. We all need each other. We can help each other in this journey of life. I'm so grateful to be thought of in a time where I really needed a helping hand. I have renewed hope. I can do this, especially since I know I am not alone.